It lives!!!

It’s been a while …a long while.  I needed to get out of where I was and back to myself again. I’m still gifted. I’m still LD. I’m still wonderfully married with kids and all, but inside I’ve been mulling over who I really am.  Letting myself be happy with everything about me, even my idiosyncrasies , foibles, oddities and all.

A colleague asked, “How can we flip it around to make people say, ‘gee, I wish I were learning disabled’?” I wrestled with the thought a bit, and can see how if I didn’t have dysnomia, I’d not have the extensive vocabulary, and if I had a better working memory I’d never be forced to learn how things work or understand the formulas behind the math. Then, as if called down by fate, the study was published The Upside of Dyslexia.  This was it. Backed by actual research instead of just my qualitative ramblings of my own experiences and those of a few people I’ve talked with.

It makes it a bit easier to think more about how more people who may be labeled as Learning Disabled should maybe take issue with it and insist on Learning Different. I’ll be going to the LDA conference in Chicago and will be working to get a few things going there with colleagues.  If you’re going, look for me.

First Impressions of Emotional Intensity

As earlier mentioned, I’m a slow reader, so I’ve only gotten through part of the book.  But if I had to give it a grade already, I’d say a solid A.  The content is dead on and useful in many ways. I’m no longer teaching, but I still like the teacher sections at the end of each chapter.

The book’s strength (through the first half) is the depth of knowledge and how Christine cuts to the core of the issues. It’s not looking at the challenges solely on the surface, but rather the roots of the matter. Being gifted is a challenge, and raising gifted kids is not simple.

Christine’s book uses a number of examples to help explain some of the topics. I like the concept a bit more than the actual practice.  I don’t know if it was that I just couldn’t relate so well or if it’s just not in my thought process, but it’s a minor thing really, especially when you look at the concepts delivered.

One of my favorite paradigm shifts from the book is changing how I viewed introverted and extroverted styles. I had always thought of myself as being extroverted because I could walk into a crowd of strangers and come out with friends. I was often tired by the end of the evening, but it was fun. To charge up my batteries though, I definitely need alone time. I hadn’t looked at that as being introverted. I need a healthy mix of both to keep me going for sure

Well regardless of the fact I’ve only gotten half way through the book, I still recommend it for anyone who is gifted and/or has gifted kids. The first chapter does not do the book full justice, but it’s a good taste at least.

When I finish the book, I’ll post my second impressions or wrap up.  Stay tuned…

The interview I’ve been waiting for!

I’m thrilled to have Christine Fonseca as my guest today!

CF: Thanks  for having me on your blog today.  I really appreciate all of your support!

You have not only graced us with your time, but also signed copy of your new book to give away.  I’ll spill the details of how the readers can win the signed book at the end of our conversation.  I’ve really been looking forward to asking you questions about your new book as well as about yourself Christine, so let me jump right in with a few questions.

You work with gifted kids often as well as being gifted yourself. I know that the topics you write in your book are emotional ones even if you weren’t gifted, but in being so wrapped up in it, did it make writing about the topic easier or harder?

Great question. I am what I like to call a “method” writer, meaning I often “become” my characters for a bit while I am engrossed in a particular project. This is most true with fiction.

As you said, I write about very emotional topics – self-mutilation, first love, jealousy, murder, redemption, mental health disorders. These topics, coupled with my own intense approach to writing can make writing the first draft a very emotionally intense experience for me. Not easy or hard, just really intense!

Things change in revisions, as I purposefully take a step back and try to objectively go through the manuscript with a little distance.

How do you deal with perfectionism in writing? Do you ever feel as if it’s “good enough” or do you just keep working on it until you feel it actually is perfect?

My perfectionistic tendencies are something I am always having to work through. The short answer is “no”, the manuscript never really feels good enough for publishing. Even when my publisher released the first chapter of EMOTIONAL INTENSITY for me to link on my blog, I freaked – terrified that it really wasn’t good enough.

Thankfully, I have amazing writerly friends that help keep my neuroses in check, reminding me that perfection is a myth and my work is good (except of course, when my work really is not!).

I’ve learned over the last several years in this business that while I will definitely strive for perfection in my novels – that will never actually happen. There is always something that can be improved upon, another layer that can be delved into. My job is to do the very best I can and them release it to those who can help make it even better.

I guess letting-go has become an integral part of how I deal with my own perfectionism.

You write both nonfiction for giftedness and Young Adult fiction. That seems as if it would be a big difference.  What’s the most difficult part of changing your writing style?

You know, they are so very different – nonfiction and fiction – that I don’t have much difficulty switching between the two at all. Nonfiction is definitely well within my comfort zone of writing. As I write reports daily at work, and write newsletter articles and the like, writing a nonfiction book feels very much like my day job.

Fiction on the other hand, appeals to a more creative aspect of me. It takes me much longer to craft a great story than it does to write nonfiction. In that respect, I guess that hardest aspect of the switch is related to patience – both in terms of the time it takes to write the novel versus a nonfiction book, and in terms of the revision process.

What would you be doing if you had your druthers and didn’t have anything pressing upon you to worry about?

HA! I love these kinds of questions. The beautiful thing is, if I could do absolutely anything, I would be doing very much what I do now – I would write, play with my family, and help gifted kids. The difference is, I’d do it on MY time schedule and anywhere I wanted to.

You have mentioned that you often over commit to different activities. Do you find that you also need alone time to do nothing?

Oh yes, I definitely need time to recharge. And usually that means I am doing NOTHING…not reading, not interacting…NOTHING. It takes a long time for me to get to the point when I truly need to hide, but it does happen. Especially if I have not been balancing things in my life very well.

What do you do when you burn-out to recharge your batteries?  …and how long does it take to recharge?

Burn-out…YUCK. Typically I can feel burn-out coming on early enough that one great day chillaxin’ with my friends or family is enough to balance me out. But every now and then, things get too overwhelming and I can take a week or longer to really recharge. During these times, my BFFs are my life-support. I may veg on the computer, chatting with them endlessly. They may think they are keeping me from my work – but really, they are giving me the air I need to live some days!

You seem to walk a fine line between being very honest and open with your blog writing, but at the same time, you keep your family out of the picture. How do you manage to not use examples from family conflicts or experiences?

Yes, it’s true…I don’t really talk about my family in details. That is not always the case when I am teaching a group of parents. Personal examples can be quite powerful. And used within the context of a small class, I think they are particularly potent.

That being said, I really try to respect the privacy of my family both in my books and in my internet networking. It is something my husband and I talked about at length when I moved from teaching small classes to exposing myself and my work in a more global way.

You’re gifted, and my readers can relate to having a wide assortment of interests, but what do you feel you have had to “sacrifice” in order to be where you are?  As in what else could you have been doing if you weren’t so committed to other events or things would have been different in your education or past?

For me, it’s never really been about sacrificing one thing for another, but figuring out how to do all of the things I want to do. And yes, that is why I struggle with the whole balance thing at times. I suppose I changed directions at various times in my life, opting for one course of action or another – but I never really viewed these as sacrifices I’ve made. I really believe that my unique journey has given me the things I need for each leg of the journey I’m on now, if that makes sense. So, in that respect, things have unfolded exactly as they should for my life.

How long did you write about the emotional side of giftedness before you realized you should write this book?  And then how long did it take to write the book?

I worked with parents, educators and gifted children for about ten years before I finally wrote this book. My work included individual work in the school setting, as well as teaching parenting classes and school-wide in-services.

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS did not actually take very long to write. I had a detailed outline and three sample chapters as part of the original proposal. After that, it took about a month or so to finish the book and get it ready to send to my editor. Once I got my editorial letter from my AMAZING (I really cannot compliment her enough) editor, I spent another three weeks or so revising. Like I’ve said elsewhere, nonfiction is a much faster process for me than fiction (which takes me months and months to complete).

I am so glad you took the time to chat with us today and I look forward to seeing more in the future.  Your second gifted book is already in the works as I’m to understand. Can you tell us more about it?

101 SUCESS SECRETS FOR GIFTED KIDS: THE ULTIMATE HANDBOOK brings some of the information from EMOTIONAL INTENSITY directly to kids. Here’s the blurb:

Pssst! Want to know a secret? 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids: The Ultimate Handbook is a must-read for gifted kids ages 8 to 12 who want to find success in school and life. If you’re a gifted kid or you know gifted kids, you need the 101 awesome secrets, tips, and tricks included in this book!

Chock full of fun suggestions and practical strategies, 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids covers topics including bullying, school performance, perfectionism, friendships, and sibling rivalries. Fun quizzes, tip sheets, and practical Q & A sections from other gifted preteens and kids make this book fun to read and give gifted kids insight into everything they’ve ever wanted to know about being gifted. Proven strategies on dealing with stress management, parents’ and teachers’ expectations, anxiety, cyber-bullying, friendship troubles, and more make this the must-have guide for every gifted kid!

I am really excited about this book! I interviewed hundreds of kids and think it’ll really be a great resource. The publisher has great ideas for the layout of the book and I just can’t wait to see it!!!

Well here’s the deal on winning a free copy of the Christine’s new book Emotional Intensity In Gifted Students: You need to post a comment on the blog.  You can double your chances by subscribing to Hidden Gifts. Your email address will remain anonymous but it’s how I’ll contact you, so log in, comment and win. 

As I have mentioned, Christine, you seem to have a lot of irons in the fire, I’m going to just let your work speak for itself.  to wrap this up because you have so many ways you are in contact with your fans.

Website

Blog

Find me (Christine) on Facebook or Twitter

Order the book.

Want an e-reader version? Order here.

Read the first chapter here.

Thanks again for taking the time to talk with us and answer our questions.  I think the work you are doing to educate and advocate is wonderful.  Please stop by again anytime, especially if you have time after your next book comes out.

Added 10/14/2010

The contest ends in one week from posting, so that’s October 20th. I’ll announce the winner Wednesday.  It’s a free signed copy of her book, and I can tell you that it’s not just free, it’s awesome!

The Balance of LD and Giftedness

Out of my head and into the blog. I have a few posts I want to write this free morning, but I know I may only have time for one more.

When I was first shown my IQ test breakdown from the Woodcock-Johnson I cried. It was validation to why I had struggled so much through school and through so much of my life. I was 25 years old and a semester away from either graduating or dropping out of college. Unfortunately, I took away more information about my weaknesses than my strengths. I discounted my strengths and took to heart my poor ability to memorize digit span or sentences, and my visual matching test was abysmal. I scored in the lower 25% on that visual matching test.  To me, it didn’t matter that I had scored in 99.9th percentile on Visual-Auditory Learning and  Analysis-Synthesis.  I had actually scored above the 90th percentile in 10 of 25 tests and below the 50th percentile in just 6.

My focus on why I was struggling I assumed had to fall within my areas of weakness. I felt that I was performing below average, so if I had some strengths, my weaknesses were REALLY dragging me down, so every time it was pointed out that I had scored high on something, I felt that there must be a corresponding weak area that must be so awful, that my performance suffered.

The term “gifted” may have been thrown in back then even, but I still had issues to grapple with in my mind. To me, gifted meant that you are really smart and not wrong.  I was wrong a lot of the time, therefore I must just be LD. If I had to confess to my learning disability ever, I use the strengths to counter balance as best I could, the negative connotations I was sure the other party would have of me being learning disabled. This ties into the idea of gifted individuals feeling like they are impostors more often (Imposter Syndrome).  I mentioned the Imposter Syndrome in Shame, and there are other places to read more about it:

Douglas Eby – http://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2010/06/feeling-like-a-fraud/

Eric Maisel – http://talentdevelop.com/articles/SilencSelfCritic.html

http://www.impostorsyndrome.com/handbook.htm

Christine Fonseca – http://christinefonseca.wordpress.com/2010/09/04/the-imposter-in-us-part-1-the-why/

This actually leads right into another blog I want to write about Christine’s book review.  I am a slow reader.  I can read faster when I don’t care about the topic, but it’s still not fast reading.  Emotional Intensity has not been a quick read for me, and that’s a good thing. I’ll get through it as quickly as I comfortably can, but I had hoped to have a review ready to go really soon.

Entelechy and Specialization

As I have presented, I have noticed that I need more of it. I have a lot of improvement to make still to turn more of the focus into the topic rather than the stories focusing on me. It’s more important to understand that students and adults who are both gifted and learning disabled are often not being helped due to either a lack of being recognized or lack of understanding what help means. This needs to happen more, and I can be involved in a bigger way.

I watched an amazing video by Richard Lavoie where he spoke about the needs of a learning disabled student needing a real educator and not some retired grandmother who just read to him. I think far too often when we consider a person who is both gifted and LD, it’s the LD side we focus on.  What makes it more problematic is that one of the common ways schools teach special education is through repetition. The issue with a 2E person is that repetition isn’t a good solution. More likely, it’s a perception problem where a paradigm shift is more of what’s needed. But that’s still focusing on the LD side.

The Gallop Organization has published countless reports about how we should be working with our strengths rather than our weaknesses. It’s fascinating stuff and if you are not familiar with Don Clifton’s work, you should look it up. The premise is that our strengths are not only what we currently have going for us, but we have a much higher ceiling to elevate within.  Not only that, but when we look at how our civilization has developed recently, we have become more and more specialized. We don’t worry about how well our doctor can balance her checkbook as long as they know what they are doing when it comes to our health. Heck, we see very few general practitioners in medicine now. Doctors are more specialized and patients are referred to the specialist who can help. That’s getting pretty specialized. It’s not just within medicine either though. We see it in many areas and professions.

When I present I feel that it’s right.  It’s not me up in front that makes me feel centered; it’s the information being delivered that makes me feel better. There are others who have powerful stories and countless doctors with much more impressive letters behind their name, but I have something they must not have. I have entelechy on my side. We all need to find the thing that makes us happy and fulfilled.  Entelechy is that and more.

I used to work with summer camps and outdoor organizations a lot. One woman summed up why she did what she did because it felt right. She felt as if she fit into the world now. She even held her hands together, pulled them toward herself in downward sweeping motion and used the word, “ka-chunk” to express the fit.

Being an advocate and spokesperson for G/LD feels right to me. It could also fulfill my need to fight for a cause, educate, inspire and make a difference in the world. I do seem to have many needs, but for me, a quiet existence doesn’t seem to fit. I need to tread a little heavier, sing a little more often and make a serious impact in a positive way.

Let the fun begin!!

I’m making my way through Christine’s new book and loving it.  I will let you guys hear more about it in the days to come, but I’m loving it so far.  I have Christine chatting about her book in a couple weeks, but if you can’t wait (and I wouldn’t be able to) go get a copy ASAP!

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intensity-Gifted-Students-Explosive/dp/1593634900/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1285983911&sr=8-1

Added Oct. 8th:

I just found the shipping delay through amazon is 2-5 weeks. You will be better off time wise getting it through Prufrock directly.  http://www.prufrock.com/productdetails.cfm?PC=1520 Same price, but more time to read it.

Start Spreading the News…

I presented in Grand Marais, MN yesterday.  It may have been the nicest day to golf, sail or do anything outside that we’ll see for the rest of the year this far north, but despite that draw, it was still a pretty solid turn out.

A lot of teachers and former teachers as well as parents showed up.  It was a good diverse group.  It worked out extremely well as I gear up for the International LDA conference presentation.

I have Christine Fonseca stopping by in a few weeks to let her talk about her new book release.  She actually pre-released the first chapter as well, so you should jump over and read it.  http:/ /christinefonseca.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/emotional-intensity-watermarked.pdf She has even gone so far as to generously offer up a contest for the blog post day I have her over.  She is willing to give away a free SIGNED copy of her new book, “Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students.”  I’m really excited to hear about it and have a chance to ask her a few questions.

If anyone else is interested in asking her a question, shoot it over to me and I’ll see about including it as well.  I have been looking forward to reading this book.  I’ll post a blog about it once I get through my copy, but I can already tell from the first chapter and knowing how Christine writes that the whole book is just chuck full of awesomesause!

Giftedness and Sensitivity

I’ve written a little about how many gifted individuals are also very intense and sensitive to a wide assortment of things from the physical discomfort of a clothing tag or certain fabrics, to the emotional swaying that the wind blows one way then another.

I feel a sense of comfort in knowing that there are others who feel the same roller coaster of emotions. It’s the feeling of being swung around while running at full speed, sort of like the tea cup ride when you’re spinning yourself while the ride is also doing it as well.

Recently I had to put our family dog down. My wife and I made the decision together as he had been going down hill for quite a while. He’d been falling down while trying to walk and lost almost 50 lbs. in the last couple years. It was just his time to go with dignity while the kids still loved him dearly and he would always be remembered more for his robust size and playful time, rather than how lumpy he was or how his bark, now hoarse, was almost as frail as he had become.

When I say “My wife and I came the decision together…” This is more how it transpired:

We both knew Bailey was having a hard time and the things we had tried to help him work though his pain were not working. My wife called me to let me know Bailey had fallen again and was not getting up so well again. I said I understood, and maybe we should set a date for the end of the month. My wife, being the wiser of us, said, “How about this Friday?”  She understands things about me that I do not. I grieved prior to bringing Bailey in. I cried on the way to work and on the way home a few times. It was very helpful for me to go through the process, but I don’t think a month’s worth of grieving prior to putting him down would have been any more beneficial.

I have had a number of pets throughout my life and I have had to bury a number of them as well…and I have cried every single time. It’s a sad event. I recall with incredible clarity when my first pet (a gerbil) died. My family had pets as well, but the gerbil was my own.

I had hoped that being older would help make the emotional impact less extreme.  It has not. I had hoped that being a father figure to 3 little girls would provide a buffer. It has not. I am still as emotional as I was when I was a child. I have the same roller coaster rides I did when I was 6. I am glad that I am wiser now though.  Knowing already that the hurt will fade is good, but it’s pretty amazing how painful the experience is still.

I have learned that it’s not how much time you have in your life, but how much life you have in the time you are here.  It’s hard to understand why some people burn the candle at both ends, but if you never know when one end might go out…

Just considering the idea of burning the candle at both ends seems goofy, but I think many gifted individuals feel the need to go faster, do more, cram more things into whatever time span we have. Christine Fonseca has often written about trying to cut back on the things she has going on because she is pretty busy. She writes both YA books and helpful books about growing up gifted, works at a school as a psychologist and is a mother of at least 2 gifted girls.

I am fortunate enough to be receiving a copy of her new book “Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students” and will write a review for you to read as soon as I can get through it. I will also have her as a guest on this blog October 13^th.  I’m looking forward to it all.

I try to think, but nuthin’ happens

… This is the feeling I have at times when I have infrequent time to work on things like this blog. I have an open afternoon right now with a couple hours to type and I have a hundred ideas, but can’t seem to go forward.

I have often said the reason I keep so many irons in the fire is because I never know when ones going to be hot.  This is EXACTLY where I feel I am today. If I had more irons in the fire, I’d have something that was hot.

There are numerous issues I want to write about on this blog.

One is Entelechy, the feeling you are to be a certain something. Jean Houston once wrote, “Entelechy is all about the possibilities encoded in each of us. For example it is the entelechy of an acorn to be an oak tree, of a baby to be a grown-up, of a popcorn kernel to be a fully popped entity, and of you and me to be God only knows what.”  Entelechy is a pretty powerful in gifted individuals and it’s combined with moral sensitivity makes many gifted individuals feel they are to be doing something.  …I’ve got to work on it a lot more, but it’s one.

Another is on invisibility.  It’s a mix of items I may separate if/when I organize it in my head more or smash all together in one mish-mash long blog post. It entails the term “gifted” having negative connotations including elitism, and also involves how many people feel they grow out of being gifted because it’s perceived as an academic thing. Another item in this slurry is how women are more rarely identified as gifted due to the social pressure to fit in.

Another is on the hyper-critical self.  It’s closely related to perfectionism to me in some aspects, but has more to do with outside influences. The emotional turmoil that knowing you’re not doing things as well as you feel they should be done is vicious.  Most people can accept criticism more easily than me. It’s not uncommon for gifted individuals to take criticism poorly, and I’ve worked on understanding ways of accepting it more, but it’s still a challenge.  It’s also still hard to see in my mind what I want it to look like, but not have the ability to make it.  Art is one of those areas.  I’ll work more on that topic soon as well I hope.

Well that’s 3 of the topics I have in my head …that unfortunately I can’t shake out right now. I’ll probably add a few more irons in that fire along the way, but what I really hope is to have time to work on them when one of them is hot.

Shame

Gifted individuals are prone to having very high sensitivity levels.  Being both a gifted and a learning disabled individual does not allow me to pick and choose what characteristics I would like to have, and heightened sensitivity has been an issue all  my life.  I hate it when I cry at work. I feel shame that things bother me so much that I cannot help but to cry.  In the business world we hear, “it’s not personal, it’s business.” For me, everything feels very personal. There is no separation between my performance and myself. There are many times where I feel responsible for what the U.S. government does just because I’m an American.

Shame is a core feeling that can practically paralyze an individual.  Michael Lewis says that he considers shame to be so powerful because it’s about the perception of having a, “defective self.. rotten and no good.” This strikes close to home in many ways with me. I think it ties in closely with perfectionism as well.

Stephen King relayed a story about himself in school where he was told , “What I don’t understand, Stevie,” [my high school teacher] said, “is why you’d write junk like this… You’re talented. Why do you want to waste your abilities?”… I was ashamed.”

He goes on to say, “I have spent a good many years since — too many, I think — being ashamed about what I write. I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that’s all.”

The logic of perfectionism doesn’t always flow, just as the logic of shame doesn’t always flow, but it’s not a simple matter.  Gifted people do not escape criticism in the least, but it seems to me that students with LDs are in the cross hairs at all times; socially as well as academically often being targeted as inferior.  If you ever wonder why people who are both gifted and learning disabled are so difficult to recognize or find, consider what we may have gone through.

Mary Rocamora, a veteran counselor of gifted and talented spoke of shame having a, “crippling effect on the development of the gifted and talented. It is the belief that we are fundamentally flawed or bad, and any attempt to draw attention to ourselves could result in being exposed and shamed. It can prevent us from making any creative effort at all or at the least make us pay by keeping us in emotional pain.

“Shame can be a contributing factor to the ‘impostor syndrome.’ The fear of being exposed as a fraud feeds a chronic internal tension about showing creative products to others. Freedom to risk is thereby impaired. There is a pervasive feeling that even if something we’ve done is well received, it was a fluke, and that the other shoe is sure to fall next time.”

Rocamora finds that this feeling “keeps a lid on our level of achievement in life by maintaining an internal climate of fear of recognition. Being creative in anonymity or as a hobby is safer than being known or praised for our work. The objective assessment of the true merit of our abilities can be very difficult. Looking to others for the objective feedback we don’t have means having to bear the expectation of being shamed.

“Being trapped in this kind of catch-22 is the means by which the pattern of shame preserves itself. The pattern of shame typically posits perfectionism as its ‘resolution.’ That is, if we could be perfect, we could escape the feeling of shame and inherent badness.”

She points out that shame-driven perfectionism “can often be confused with the innate tendency of most gifted people to be perfectionistic. When shame is the motivator, people are afraid to share their creative endeavors with others unless and until they are ‘perfect.’ (And nothing perfect could ever be created by someone who is fundamentally flawed!)

“Innate perfectionism feels different — it is an internal desire to hold our work to a very high standard, one we set for ourselves. Both can delay closure on projects, but shame perpetuates a chronic sense of insecurity, low self-esteem and anxiety.”

That’s probably pushing the envelope of how much I should just quote, but I think she did a great job of tieing shame with perfectionism. Mary Rocamora is currently the Director of The Rocamora School, Los Angeles. She has a pretty interesting biography page if you want to read more about her.

I know I did not fit in academically or socially in many ways. I had a number of talents, but I also know I pushed teachers to their limits and beyond. Usually it wasn’t on purpose, but I will admit that there were times where I felt relationships with teachers were rather adversarial in nature. My 5^th grade teacher in particular I had a very rough time with. She and I did not start off well I don’t think we never saw eye-to-eye.

Part of the issue was my “stubbornness” that I can see now as being strong in moral character in ways. The path of least resistance to me has always meant very little outside of physics. Social injustices need a champion and I’m willing to step right in and do everything I can to right the wrongs. Unfortunately, as we grow and mature, the effects of shame often increase. We do feel as if we are defective. It can be very powerful to feel as if you not only don’t belong, but that you are broken.

Being learning disabled, I have felt very broken. Working around my deficits has only made me feel as if I’m cheating in order to succeed, which goes against the strong sense of morality. I have to be less than who I want to be in order to be half as good as I possibly can. It made me worry more that in order to be more of what I could be, I would have to abandon my morals all together. How far are you willing to compromise your integrity in order to succeed? And if you made that compromise, how much shame would you feel? If you are gifted, that feeling is probably magnified. I know it is for me.

So what are some options to give people who are gifted and have a learning disability success? I think the first thing to do is recognize who this incredible population is. Remember that they may not want to be noticed. Masking deficits through humor or any means necessary is common practice. Acknowledging them as being exceptional is often very hard for a person to hear who has felt broken all their life. There’s an amazing scene in “Good Will Hunting” where the psychologist, Sean, played by Robin Williams, tells Will (gifted young adult), played by Matt Damon, that it’s not his fault. I found a YouTube clip if you aren’t familiar with the movie; you don’t have to follow along with the subtitles. The scene is more about revealing Will’s physically abused past, but I think many of us who are G/LD are abused in a different way. I remember wishing I would just be hit at times instead.

Understanding and acceptance are primal needs, and meeting these needs only superficially is not good enough. Understanding a gifted individual is not easy for a person who is not gifted themselves. Acceptance can be challenging at times, but does not require the deep embodiment that understanding may, but acceptance needs to still be felt at the core. The shame internalized is hard to break through.

Consider that if an individual doesn’t care about something, feelings are removed. So if we’re talking about people who feel so intensely, they most likely cannot stop caring.

I know I have gone to extremes in my caring. I have tried to not care at all at times just so I could function “normally” but it’s not a good option.

I seem to be on many tangents today (still tied to shame, but not seeming to be in a solid order) but I’ll keep spewing stuff out for now.  I ran across a couple “Gifted kids’ Bill of Rights” and wanted to share an item I really liked, “I have the right to be my age. If I’m a smart 7-year-old, I’m a smart 7-year-old, not a short 30-year-old.” The drive to be perfect encompasses areas we may not even be gifted in, but it does not remove the feeling.

Tamera Fisher wrote in her blog on a Gifted Bill of Rights, “Gifted children are so passionate about their talents and interest areas! They eat, breathe, drink, dream, and live what they love. Yet those around them (parents, age-peers, teachers) don’t always understand how a child can want to spend a sunny day indoors reading about bacterial conjugation, or why it matters what the difference is between mauve and lavender. But to a gifted child who holds those passions, it is a big deal. Mom & Dad and Teacher don’t have to share an interest in the topic. They just need to be understanding of the fact that the child loves it so much. Telling them they’re “too into it” or “only keen on weird topics” or “too excited about that new book” only succeeds in shutting them down. Our world doesn’t need to be shutting these kids down. Because our world has a place for people who get excited about bacterial conjugation or the minute differences between colors. We need them. Let them be.”

I think children (and adults) who are told these things feel shame. Just another reason they are not normal, feel broken or defective. To be accepted for who you are as a gifted person is rough (as far as I can tell), as gifted person with learning disabilities is probably tougher. I have often wondered if I were not LD, would I have felt the same amount of shame? I guess it’s like asking, “if I lived in another place, would I have lived a very different life?” It’s rhetorical anyway.

I think I need to start figuring out a way to write less lengthy posts. Break things into smaller chunks at least. I didn’t realize I was writing such a long post.  I’ll wrap up with another quote, since I’ve used so many already.

“Ignorance is bliss. Being smart has allowed me the ability to watch the world. This isn’t a horrible situation. My regret arises whenever I want to experience the world without watching, to have flares of emotion without questioning ‘why’ or ‘how,’ to experience life to the ‘fullest’ without asking why the rain makes people sad or happy.” Zim, 12th grade